The Cost of Staying Hidden

Where Are You Still Hiding?

There comes a point in life when hiding becomes more exhausting than being seen. I’ve noticed different leaders, even those seeking to expand their businesses, caught in a double bind of wanting their businesses, or their successes showcased while they stay in the background.

In my experience, the common fear is wanting to hide their wisdom so they don’t intimidate.
Softening their opinions to avoid friction, even worse, delaying their calling because it might disrupt what feels stable.

But invisibility has a cost.

• It cost influence.

• It costs intimacy.

• It costs impact.

I fully agree there are moments when holding our tongue or our thoughts in is a great idea. Opening them up for public consumption could create unnecessary drama and conflict which would solve nothing. However, that is the rarity. Truly accomplished leaders reach a stage where they have the credentials, the experience, and the authority - and yet something still feels restrained. Not because they are incapable. But because they are too tightly contained.

Ask yourself gently: Where am I still dimming my light? Who would benefit if I stopped?

Visibility isn’t about volume. It’s about alignment. And alignment begins with honesty. This is true in our personal as well as our professional lives.

As a former marriage therapist, I saw regularly, that it was rarely a major incident that destroyed a relationship. It was the daily holding back. The daily choice not to show up, to confront a problem or discomfort, that eventually built a wall, one brick at a time, until the couple realized they didn’t really know their partner at all. They felt completely disconnected and alone in their relationship. They had gradually hidden parts of themselves until they finally felt completely invisible while the relationship died a slow death.

Intimacy, connection, influence, and true partnership, professionally or personally, only takes place when we truly show up, flaws, strengths, visions, and hopes, with a willingness to see what needs to be seen and the courage to be seen as well.

In the coming months, I’ll be opening the Institute - a space for leaders and advisors ready to understand the deeper patterns that keep them - and their clients - from stepping fully into their influence and perhaps even being seen themselves. More soon.