The Many Kinds of Love We Practice (Or Need To)

Valentine’s Day tends to spotlight one kind of love.

The romantic kind. The celebratory kind. The kind we hope will arrive and make things feel easier. And it very much does. Being “in love” is a phenomenal feeling – even if scary – unpredictable – expansive – and yet private. It has so many sides, grounding and ungrounding. What a gift it is even when we feel crazy and yet so clear and so sane all at the same time.

Nonetheless, love is far more expansive than that.

There is the love we practice in commitment—staying present when it would be easier to withdraw. When we question why on earth we ever made the choice to love this person. In addition, more than one parent has questioned “What was I thinking????” These are those most powerful moments when we realize that love is a decision and not just an emotion.

The really grownup, healthy, love is expressed through boundaries - knowing where we end and another begins. Love out of desire and recognition rather than neediness and enmeshment.
The love of truth - telling ourselves what we would rather avoid, because growth depends on it. No matter the cost, confrontation, or changes required.

There is love as patience. Love as courage. Love as responsibility.

There is the love required to lead - holding others without controlling them, caring without rescuing, standing firm without hardening. This kind of love is not dramatic. It is steady. And it is felt and absolutely necessary in business and in life.

And perhaps the most overlooked form of love is the one directed inward - not indulgence or self-absorption, but self-respect. The willingness to listen to your own signals, honor your limits, and recognize when old ways of being are no longer aligned with who you are becoming.

Love, in all its forms, is revealed most clearly under pressure. It shows up in how we speak when we are stressed, how we choose when afraid, and how we treat ourselves and others when things don’t go as planned.

This Valentine’s Day, rather than asking who loves you, consider asking a different question:

What forms of love am I practicing in my life – and - which ones are asking to mature? Which ones need to be developed more?

That inquiry alone can change everything. Be aware, my experience is such that when we grow in one area – we grow in them all….